u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
