I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
