I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
