id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
