Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
