does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
