she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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