im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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