It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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