Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
