trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
