i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
