is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
