This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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