We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
