This girl is more easily done than said...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
