It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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