One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
