we have officially lost it.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
