Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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