she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
