fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
