need another drink. this is the easiest way
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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