I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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