i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
