i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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