Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
