does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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