Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize