You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
