I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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