Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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