Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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