So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
