Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize