I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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