Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
