her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
