Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
