At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
