I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
