everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
