All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize