You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
