My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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