Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
