Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize