The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
