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Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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