The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
