I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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