That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
