We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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