I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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