Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
love makes seman taste better
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
