He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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