You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
