he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Im part way to drunk.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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