3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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