I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
