i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
