I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize