Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
