Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
