I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Someone shattered a urinal.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
