I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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