The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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