he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
