You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
