I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
