xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
