she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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