i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
