Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
