Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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